NOTE: We don’t have a standard policy of putting trigger warnings on articles, but if there exists anywhere on Earth an article that needs such a warning, here it fucking is. In fact, if this doesn’t disturb you, there is a good chance you are a crazy person.
5 Things I Learned As A Sex Slave in Modern America
#5. Sex Slavery Is a Thriving American Industry
I was 4 or 5 years old when it started.
If you’re expecting my “sold into child slavery” story to begin with guys in ski masks bursting into my bedroom and snatching me up in the night, the actual story is worse, in a way. One night, my stepdad just pulled me out of bed and said, “Come here, uncle needs to see you.” There were zero uncles downstairs. But there were several creepy, creepy men who passed me around from lap to lap and paid him for the privilege. If you’re asking yourself where my mother was, well, she was right there, watching.
Truly eye-opening article.
Fandom fashion friday…? Bixisarusher suggested “Toothless in an Elsa-ish way” soooo tada? Haha I’m pretty sure this isn’t what you meant, but I’m missing the first message you sent me (I don’t believe I ever got it actually) so if you wanna message it to me again I’ll try to get a redo done for you this weekend! :D
Is there something you want to see? Feel free to give me a suggestion!
SO MUCH LULZ this is the cutest thing I’ve seen today. And great artwork!!
Venomous vs poisonous! If this one’s too small, you can read it on my site here. The animals are: northern copperhead, cane toad, tiger keelback snake, hooded pitohui, northern short-tailed shrew.
If you like my work, check out my Patreon, which is just $1.74 away from $200!
One of my favorite facts…there’s a difference!
WHEN MY FRIEND ASKS IF I WANNA COME OVER AND DRINK:
Accurate description of my life these days.
July is National Ice Cream Month!
Pictured is dessert as the author Jane Austen would have known it in 1810. Only the most privileged English families served “ices”—frozen desserts made of fruit, sugar and water or cream. Cooks often pressed these concoctions into fruit- or flower-shaped molds to make frosty, alluring sculptures (as seen above). “For Elegance and Ease and Luxury,” Austen wrote while staying at the manor house of her wealthier brother Edward, “I shall eat Ice & drink French wine”—two exclusive treats that she did without at her own modest home.
Today, variations on the ice cream idea can be found around the world. Italians created gelato, which is similar to ice cream but with less butterfat. A Japanese confection called mochi ice cream is a ball of pounded sticky rice with an ice cream filling. Sorbets, frozen desserts made with sweetened water, have many variations, from Hawaiian shave ice to Indian chuski.
Ice Cream every day…that’s what this means to me.
Love this. Plus the El Dorado gif makes it that much better.
Happy Holidays to you and yours (in this context “yours” = your dick)!
The 6 Most Brilliant Comedy Gems Hiding on YouTube (Part 6)
#5. Unintentional Penis Ad (Safe for Work)
Say what you want about Reddit, but there is no site in the world better at finding totally innocent things like a Christmas ad and turning it into something horrifying and wrong. That page I linked spells it out in no uncertain terms — “This advert is 1000x better if you imagine they’re all looking at your penis” — but if you honestly watched that TK Maxx ad and didn’t come to that conclusion on your own, I don’t ever want to know you, because we come from different galaxies.
The videos in this article are fantastic. Please watch them. And thank you to the Cracked team for wasting a solid chunk of their lives just to find these lovelies